Obsessive Things I Do as a Newborn Mom

     Now that I’m well and fully entrenched in the newborn stage again, I’ve noticed some striking similarities in how I mom. To be sure, there are plenty of differences too, but that’s a post all its own. My personality definitely errs on the manic end of the spectrum in pretty much all ways, but mamas know that the newborn stage will bring.out.the.crazy.

     I’m not saying that any of these habits are necessarily good or bad. They’re just things I’ve noticed about myself… I do have to say though…my babies are both pretty good. Blessing? Product of my mania? Combo? We can’t know.

 

1. Bottle Prep

     Both my babies have been/are bottle babies from the get go. This is just the choice that we made, and our babies have thrived and are super healthy (and I couldn’t be more thankful). That being said, if you walk into my kitchen at any point during the day or night, you are likely to see at least one (or two or three) bottles with water already in them and the parts laid out for easy assembly. I love Dr. Brown’s wide mouth bottles (although we have the traditional size too), but they have approximately 2,154,989,523 parts. I really think all those parts help to minimize gas, but Mama doesn’t have time to be assembling bottles under cover of darkness at 2 a.m. Instead, I go ahead and fill the bottles with water (bonus: this also lets the water come to room temperature, another newborn obsession – avoiding heating bottles as long as possible )and set the top (with nipple already in place) upside down on top. During the day I just scoop formula straight out of the tub, but at night, I’ve got it premeasured into a separator, so I can just dump, shake, and go.

     Innovative? No. Immeasurably helpful? Yes…to me at least.

2. Sleep

     Few things make me crazier than trying to figure out baby sleep. Davis had his days and nights a little mixed up and didn’t do much in the way of sleeping for the first few nights. Once he figured things out, he still wasn’t a super scheduled napper until probably six months. He napped well, but not on a hard and fast, timed schedule. He did however sleep through the night (10+ hours before 8 weeks). Praise. Hands. I credit this pretty much solely to SWADDLING!

     I tried to swaddle him from the very first night, and he hated it. Screaming, grunting, raging hate. I gave up, and we all suffered. After a few weeks though, the swaddle came back to stay. He learned to love it, and we never looked back. (Until six weeks when he broke out of it.)

     Grant, on the other hand, has been a superstar in the sleep department from birth. We have swaddled him up tight and put him in his crib since our first night home, and for the most part, we’re having to wake him up every three hours to eat. Both boys have been mostly swaddled in these SwaddleMe idiot-proof velcro baby burritos. My sister is an expert blanket swaddler…but that skill must have passed over me.

     Once I felt like I had a handle on nighttime sleep, I turned my attention to naptime. Because the boys go to daycare, and state guidelines don’t allow swaddling, I felt like I needed to keep naptime and nighttime sleep totally different. At naptime, I don’t swaddle (if I can help it), and I let the room stay a little lighter. (Obviously the first few weeks are a total free for all. Swing naps? Sure. Nap while I hold you? Always. Nap on the couch? Floor? Boppy? Yes to all.) Nighttime sleep is a totally different game. Long about 8:00, all the blinds are closed, and most lights are off. Diapers and bottle changes are all business, and then it’s into the swaddle and into the bed. I really think this helped both boys distinguish between night and day and nap and big sleep; it also helped me to feel like I was establishing some good habits and routines.

3. Positioning

     A little background to this one…when Davis was born, I was very concerned about keeping his head perfectly round. Like all newborns, he was a little squished, and his ears were not exactly even. (They’re totally fine now…and probably were then as well, but new mom concerns are real.) My mania led me to alternate how I fed and put him down every single time. If I held him in my left arm for one bottle, he went in the right arm for the next. If he slept with his head on one end of the bed for one nap, he went in the other way for the next. Every nap. Every feed. Looking back, it was definitely a little overkill, but in the moment, I felt like it was absolutely necessary. I even researched hats he could wear to keep him from laying on one side if it started to flatten. I’ve done much better with Grant, but trust that I will be keeping my eagle eyes on his baby head…

4. Day and Night

     I heard about this one from my sister. She read that “introducing your baby to the sun” for a few minutes each day helps to regulate their day and night cycles (circadian rhythms?). I took it to heart, and I keep all the blinds open all day long and usually walk outside once or twice. If it’s cold, we just stand in front of the window or open door and soak up some rays. At night time, the blinds are closed, most lights are off, and we are much quieter. I can’t know if it’s helpful, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something.

Aaaaaand sometimes naptime goes out the window, and you all pile up on the couch.

     Some parents are really go with the flow and weather all of the changes and stages in newborn life without batting an eye…I am not one of those parents. Being a little obsessive helps me feel like I’ve got some measure of control over this crazy time. Although, when my baby is wide awake at 3 a.m., I am definitely reminded of how little control I actually have…and that’s okay too. I think God may have designed the newborn stage in part to remind us that we.are.not.the.boss. It’s a lesson I’ve been learning for yearsssss.

     I will obviously never know if my crazy newborn habits are helpful or not, but I do think establishing routines can be just as beneficial for parents as it is for children. I am by no means a perfect mom, and I definitely get overwhelmed and cry and wonder if I’m doing the right things, but when I have a plan in place, I feel a lot more secure in my decisions. With no plan, I tend to second guess and get frazzled.

     I can’t be the only one who gets a little obsessive during the newborn stage though. What about you? Any non-negotiable newborn routines I should know about?

Momming Ain’t Easy

     “Momming ain’t easy” – the phrase that launched 1,000 t-shirts (and mugs and lettered signs and totes and instagram posts).  As I sit here with my lukewarm coffee (because I couldn’t get to it this morning) and my recorded shows (because I couldn’t watch them live), I’m reminded in the smallest way that “momming ain’t easy.” 

     It’s waking up impossibly early because when else can you look your husband in the face without a certain small someone demanding all.the.things. It’s hiding your face when your toddler does something so terrible (that’s also hilarious). It’s drawing the line between terrible and hilarious and watching your toddler jump over it, stomp it, walk on it, and laugh. It’s reciting Little Blue Truck from memory 572,156,985 times. It’s the joy in seeing your baby run to you after a long day at work. It’s the heartbreak of knowing that you don’t have it all together and the desperate hope that your failures won’t be what shape his little heart.

          We have these days. We have these moments. We have this time. And it’s fleeting. Is it any wonder we’re so exhausted all the time? We’re doing everything we can to do as much as we can to do the best we can because we don’t get this back. We will always be moms, but we don’t always have this. That’s “momming.” That desperate feeling that’s a sort of mix of joy and fear and happiness and most of all love. Thinking of someone else from the minute your eyes open until they drift closed in the middle of that show you thought you would make it through.

     Motherhood is the best gift and the most challenging role. We know our babies like no one else on this earth, but we have to watch them grow into their own. Sometimes it’s the most rewarding thing I could ever imagine! That beautiful little boy who is so funny and smart and independent is really mine, and I get the joy of teaching him! Other times it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done. That wild little boy who is so loud and willfull and independent is really mine, and I get the job of disciplining him!

     We don’t get to separate our role into joy and fear. We claim it all and lay it at the feet of Jesus because He is the only One who can take this job and redeem our efforts. We aren’t doing this alone because He has equipped us with a team. We have husbands and sisters and mothers of our own. We have friends and leaders and mentors. We have resources of every kind, but most of all we have the Holy Spirit who empowers us and enables us and upholds us.

     I am so thankful that I don’t have to take on this task alone. My best efforts as a mother are absolute failure apart from Him. I am blessed beyond measure that this walk that is motherhood and life is not mine to do alone. I can “take captive every thought (and day and effort and failure) and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). That is what He desires from me, that I take my whole life, motherhood included, and lay it at His feet as a sacrifice. A day to honor mothers is a beautiful thing, but how much more beautiful that we honor the Lord with our calling as mothers?

One.

     One year ago today I was walking all over the neighborhood trying to “catch” a contraction.  I was two days over my due date and more than ready to meet Davis Malcolm.  Keith and I were spending our last hours as a family of two and could not even imagine how things were going to change.

     Today I am spending my last hours with Davis before he turns one.  He is doing everything he can to prove his toddler-ness, including cup throwing, whining, clinging, and lots of loving.  I was so unsure of what he was going to be like, and I think I was right and wrong in every way.  All of the fears about being a new mom were magnified and minimized the moment he was born.  I have never felt such confidence and such brokenness as I do being a mother.  There are days that I worry constantly whether or not I have it together enough for Davis.  There are days when Davis sleeps that extra thirty minutes, and I feel like I’ve hit the mom jackpot. 

Nothing like a baby to keep you on your toes.

     From the minute he was born, Davis had his own way of doing things.  He has always known what he likes and what he doesn’t like.  There is not a lot of in between with him.  He reminds me so much of Keith and so much of me, but he is definitely  his own little person.  I will miss my little baby, but I love watching Davis grow and learn and be more of himself.

     I am so thankful for Davis and that I get to be his mom.  The magnitude of this gift is not lost on me.  I love watching what God is doing in our family through this season.  He is constantly showing me more of Himself and more of myself and more of Keith.  I’m not sure what I thought being a mom would be like, but it’s more in every way.  More good.  More difficult.  More scary.  More fun.  More fierce.  More gentle.  More confusion.  More assurance.  More love.

     Davis is my forever buddy.

I love him.

Do Good Moms Feel Frustrated

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You never fail
And You won't start now

And I will call upon Your Name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours
And You are mine

Hillsong United

     Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard this song at church lately.  It's kind of having a moment, and there are about a million blog posts about why we should or shouldn't sing it.  This is not one of those.  This is a post born of a busy morning and a fussy baby.

     Davis is really a very good baby...but he has his moments.  Don't we all?  Yesterday I decided bottles were no more (so this is mostly my fault anyway).  He woke up, got breakfast and a cup, and unleashed his inner Allyson.  He screamed for the cup only to throw it on the floor.  A few times it got hung on the edge of his chair, so he screamed until he could loosen it...and throw it.

This is not a big deal!

     I know full well that this is not a stressful morning.  I should have picked up the cup, put it away, and let Davis finish his banana in peace.  

I didn't.

     I let myself get to thinking that he wasn't ever going to take a cup.  He was going to be underweight at his next appointment.  He was going to feel hungry and yucky and act ugly at school (and then what would people think of me?!).  Furthermore, why wouldn't he eat a better meal and stay full longer?  Why haven't I switched him to whole milk yet?  Do good moms know when the right time to do that is?  Do good moms feel frustrated?  Do good moms leave pacis and lovies and their sunglasses in the house and have to turn the car off and on three times to go back into the house?

I'm asking for a friend...that's never happened to me...

     I love Davis more than I could ever express, but babies can break you.  Let me reiterate that yesterday morning should not have been stressful.  The events really weren't.  The lie was.

A hectic morning means you're a bad mom.

Why didn't you have everything together early?  You're lazy.

You're going to be late.  You'll have a bad day.  Bad day = failure.

You're not really good at this.  You'll never get it together.

     Maybe I'm crazy (scratch that maybe), but the truth is that the enemy knows my weaknesses.  He knew that a hectic morning was the perfect time to whisper lies.  He knew that those lies would hurt.  He knew where to sow fear and anxiety and resentment.  

Motherhood is deep water, y'all.

      My heart wants to do what is best for Davis every minute.  I have such a hard time separating my actions from his behavior.  It's so easy to think that every time he's fussy it's my fault.  Every unfinished bottle or meal is my fault.  Every time he's not perfect, it's my fault.  The lies and the fear and the anxiety are deep.

But that depth is where His Grace abounds!

He meets us there.

     He is Grace.  He establishes us and affirms us and upholds us through busy mornings and the enemy's lies.  He speaks His Truth in the face of the enemy even when we can't.  He doesn't magnify our failures and our struggles.

     The truth is that is wouldn't matter if I had a perfect house or a perfect baby or a perfect family or a perfect life.  My sufficiency can never come from myself.  2 Corinthians 3:5 (ESV) speaks clearly.

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.

     I had a great morning today.  I was ready and dressed and had the bed made early...but Davis didn't take his cup.  My sufficiency wasn't from the made bed or the fact that my eyeliner matched on both eyes today.  My sufficiency comes from Jesus only.  He quiets the lies.  He quiets my heart.

Because no post is complete without a picture.