One year ago today I was walking all over the neighborhood trying to “catch” a contraction. I was two days over my due date and more than ready to meet Davis Malcolm. Keith and I were spending our last hours as a family of two and could not even imagine how things were going to change.
Today I am spending my last hours with Davis before he turns one. He is doing everything he can to prove his toddler-ness, including cup throwing, whining, clinging, and lots of loving. I was so unsure of what he was going to be like, and I think I was right and wrong in every way. All of the fears about being a new mom were magnified and minimized the moment he was born. I have never felt such confidence and such brokenness as I do being a mother. There are days that I worry constantly whether or not I have it together enough for Davis. There are days when Davis sleeps that extra thirty minutes, and I feel like I’ve hit the mom jackpot.
Nothing like a baby to keep you on your toes.
From the minute he was born, Davis had his own way of doing things. He has always known what he likes and what he doesn’t like. There is not a lot of in between with him. He reminds me so much of Keith and so much of me, but he is definitely his own little person. I will miss my little baby, but I love watching Davis grow and learn and be more of himself.
I am so thankful for Davis and that I get to be his mom. The magnitude of this gift is not lost on me. I love watching what God is doing in our family through this season. He is constantly showing me more of Himself and more of myself and more of Keith. I’m not sure what I thought being a mom would be like, but it’s more in every way. More good. More difficult. More scary. More fun. More fierce. More gentle. More confusion. More assurance. More love.
Davis is my forever buddy.
I love him.